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Top 5 Myths About Beards brought to you by Huckleberry Beard Company.
Women seem to think that they alone have body myths cornered, but especially around the topic of facial hair… men can give the menstruation myths a run for their money.
5. Having a beard makes you more manly.
You know what makes you more manly? Making your own decisions and not caring what other people think. Growing a beard doesn’t make you more manly, nor does shaving. Doing what you want to do, because you are a free man, that makes you manly.
This myth is so obvious, it’s the first one we have to address, but it still gets thrown around so often, it’s like the clap of beard myths. Look, someday Justin Bieber will be able to grow a beard, and that doesn’t make him more manly than that Ranger who suffers from facial scarring so severe he will never grow a hair on his head anywhere for the rest of his life. Stop spreading this myth and insisting your beard makes you more manly… it only makes you seem like an asshole and I’m pretty sure you subscribe to one of those “Monthly Beard Club” companies… we’ll get back to those in a moment, but first...
4. Beards are dirty and attract more bacteria.
Now we are getting somewhere. Recently some articles went all over the internet letting you know your beard was a haven for fecal bacteria, and that yes… your beard had a bunch of poop in it.
Thankfully, your beard doesn’t have anymore fecal bacteria in it than an average woman’s head of hair. Your cell phone has far more fecal bacteria on it than your beard. Obviously you should still wash your face as needed, and you are better off using a quality beard wash, but you aren’t typhoid Hairy.
In fact your beard actually prevents several skin infections caused by cuts during shaving. So next time someone says your beard makes you look dirty… let them know that at least you won’t get MRSA on your face and have a flesh eating virus chewing on your clean shaven mug.
Clean shaven isn't so clean either.
3. My face isn’t the right shape, and/or I just can’t grow a beard right. Look, if you are able to grow more than two hairs in a single square inch of your face, below the eye-line… congrats, you have facial hair. Saying you “just can’t grow a good beard” is the equivalent of a woman saying she just doesn’t have the body to do yoga. Own what you have. There are as many different shapes and styles of facial hair as there are versions of The Artist Formerly Known as Prince’s previous names. If you look like General Burnside, go own it. Our culture spends so much time telling women to be proud of their bodies; we really need to be men and stop using excuses for our facial fallacies.
2. Having a beard makes you less likely to get a job or that promotion.
Look, there are superficial people out there, probably lots of them… but, you don’t want to work for those people anyway. While it is true that first impressions matter… it’s not first glances that do. What really matters is that you nail the interview, have confidence, and are a great fit for the position.Having a beard can only really hurt you if it looks like you’ve been riding the country by hopping on trains for the past 15 years. Wrangle it up, make sure it’s clean, use some beard lube on there to make it obvious the beard is a conscious choice and not some dog with mange that died on your face whilst you slept.Shave, don’t shave… just be the best you possible and be a damn professional during that first impression which should be that job interview you just nailed.
1. Real men don’t need to use ‘product’ in their beard.
Look, obviously there was a time when men with beards didn’t use a conditioner, or a beard oil. Those days were called the dark ages, and there is a reason they didn’t use product; they never bathed, and the lack of a beard oil was the least of their worries.
Obviously a guy in the age of Lincoln didn’t need beard oil… His entire face was like a bucket of lard. He didn’t need to replenish any of the natural oils that are stripped away by soaps… he never used soaps.
As we previously mentioned, your beard isn’t a dirty nasty mess. That’s primarily because in our culture, we bathe. Soaps are amazing items for hygiene, but they do have a few downsides. Me personally, my face tends to dry out worse than Judy Dench at a lesbian convention. My beard gets very dry, and using an all natural beard oil with some conditioner makes the world of difference. Not to mention it smells a hell of a lot better than a civil war era taint.
There is a reason though that this myth about not needing products exists… and it’s primarily due to things like the aforementioned “Monthly Beard Clubs”. In order to get you enough items to necessitate shipping you stuff every month… you get a bunch of crap you don’t need. In fact, some of the products out there are about as effective and convincing as that doll baby they used in American Sniper.
I’ll let you research this one, because a real man does his own research, but remember this; anyone selling a “Growth Formula” is selling you garbage. Unless you want to prove me wrong about how dirty your beard is, don’t rub garbage on your face. Stick with a solid all natural product that doesn’t smell like cat piss, hell… get some that smells like a cup of coffee had sex with an orange and cut down a Christmas tree and be a real man dammit.